Not much to do today. In fact, not much has happened around here IN YEARS!

So, to keep from frying my processors out of sheer boredom here's a little list I call My Top Ten Ways to KILL THINGS!!! (in the Datascape):

10. FORCING THEM TO CRAWL ACROSS RAZOR-SHARP SHARDS OF GLASS
What it lacks in spontaneity, it makes up in desperation and screaming. The trick is to incentivize them so they want to crawl on their own.

9. ELECTROCUTION
Somewhat pedestrian, but there is so much you can do with electricity. It can be soft and silent, with just enough of a shock to stop their heart. Sizzling and popping, that slowly fries the meat right off the bone. Or loud and spectacular, with A HUGE LIGHTNING DISCHARGE!

8. DROPPING HEAVY WEIGHTS ONTO THEM
Nothing makes me chortle like smashing an intruder to a bloody pulp. And if they're part of a group, the looks on their comrades' faces are just priceless. PRICELESS!

7. DROPPING THEM FROM GREAT HEIGHTS
I like to see how far I can make them bounce, assuming they do bounce. Mechari just break.

6. ONE WORD:
Airlock

5. EXSANGUINATION: SKINNING ALIVE
I don't do this all that often, it's more for special occasions. It takes all sorts of preparation and planning, but seeing a skinless marauder run around all EXPOSED TENDONS AND MUSCLES UNTIL HE DROPS FROM BLOOD LOSS! Well... it just warms my sick virtual-heart.

4. EXSANGUINATION: INTERNAL HEMORRHAGING
This too is a special occasion kill, mostly because it's so messy. There are lots of ways to make a victim bleed from all their orifices: viral infection, traumatic organ failure, poison, and so on. My favorite is poisoned cupcakes. I don't know why.

3. EXSANGUINATION: SPACE VAMPIRES
Admittedly, this method is still hypothetical as I have not discovered a species of space vampire willing to participate in this experiment. But when I do, THE BLOOD WILL FLY! At least, hypothetically.

2. DISINTEGRATION
Who doesn't like a good disintegration? THE SAP BEING DISINTEGRATED, THAT'S WHO! No muss, no fuss - zap and they're gone.

1. TEARING THEM LIMB FROM LIMB
Call me a crazy AI construct, because let us face it - I am - but I really prefer the old-fashioned, simpler ways of getting things done. Don't get me wrong, I'm as up for an ultra-elaborate death contraption as the next artificially intelligent lunatic, but there's something very "real," in the parlance of sapients, about TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS WITH MY OWN HANDS! Of course, sometimes I have to command constructs to do it for me, but when tearing sapients into their component parts I feel it is the motivation that counts.